No.10
Lara Croft
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| Lara is so...inspiring. |
Look at Lara,she is so...inspiring
Lara has been a man's dream for about 15 years,since her first appearance in 1996 to Videogameland,
What brings Lara to No.10 and not higher is her lack of special effects,I mean sure she knows how to kicks a bear's or tiger's ass,but where are the fireworks?Where are the huge explosions and the constant action?Instead of those we always get some silly ancient puzzle to solve to get to the next level.BORIIING!
Lara deserves this spot for her great boobs....I mean her great personallity...you get the point ;)
No.9
Sonic The Hedgehog
The best blue hedgehog with sneakers!!
Sonic is a mutant too!Believe it or not,the facts don't lie.
• He is blue
• He wears red sneakers(R.O.O.F)*
• He has hands
• He wears white gloves(R.O.O.F)*
• And he should have been an IT and not a HE
*Really Out Of Fashion
Still not believing me?
What makes Sonic so kick-ass it's his mutant ability to run as fast as Road Runner while it's ass is on fire.
Can you imagine how fast that is?He has also beaten Dr.Eggman and it’s funny because he is fat.
No.8
Nero
We all know that Dante from the Devil May Cry series is badass,when Capcom
Introduced Nero we knew that he’s gonna be badass too, but we didn’t imagine how badass he would really be!
In the opening scene, Nero cuts through monsters to reach his destination, a church.
If you think he is the humble-type hero, then you’re wrong, because he gets in with more attitude than a sixteen year old MTV girl! You’ve got to respect his awesomeness!
No.7
Jackie Estacado
Oh Jackie…Since the first time I’ve put The Darkness on my XBOX I couldn’t forget him. I’m a long time gamer and I’m more of a PC gamer to tell you the truth, I don’t have so much sympathy for the consoles. The Darkness was the game that made me change my mind about the consoles. Jackie Estacado is one of the most kick-ass video game/comic characters ever to be made. The reasons are simple:
He is a wiseguy…that’s right he is involved deeply in Mafia, We love Mafia, it’s about breaking the Law with style.
He has minions that do all the nasty job for him, like cutting his enemies head with a saw (picture below)
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| That's Nasty... |
He has two demonic snake heads crawl out of his back and killing bad guys, then rip their hurts out and have it as a snack to regain power! Just WOW!
He has the chicks ;)
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| Reason to become the king of darkness and anything evil. |
HE IS THE FUCKING DARKNESS!!
The only problem is that he can’t stand light, but he is still a kick-ass, just look at the list above you!
No.6
Bayonetta
When Bayonetta came to our consoles the previous year, she surely haunted us all with her magic…She sure looks hot for a 800 year witch, but that’s not a problem as long as their love. Just don’t take pictures of her in a public bathroom it would be uncomfortable.
Bayonetta is not only hot, but she the ultimate woman character! She is a Witch, that has 2 big fucking guns on her hands and another pair of those on her heels! Women with guns have always been hot, making capoeira while using them makes it even hotter! She can also transform her hair and outfit into a giant black dragon, the hairy dragon as I like to call it(lol),and rip apart her huge enemies.
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| Hairy Dragon In Action.It's Covering The Good Parts :/ |
She even fights god in the end! That’s pretty kick-ass!
No.5
Dante
Dante is awesome! He is handsome, powerful, he kills ghosts, he has style and he is a demon with attitude! Dante is the rebel inside all of us! One day he got up and said FUCK you to his demonic relatives. He said “I’m going to save humanity with my giant sword, now get out of my fucking way”. The his older brother got angry and he planted a whole fucking building in the center of a town, while Dante was eating pizza.
Ok…you get the point…Dante was interrupted while he was eating pizza. That’s the worst thing you can do to anyone! So he got his giant sword and kicked his big brother’s ass.
Dante is kick-ass because he carries a giant sword, he fights demons while he is a demon (that’s kinda weird, but as long as he helps humanity it’s ok by me),he has great hair and he is eating Pizza! Oh he can also be transformed into a demon that makes his kick-ass-O-meter multiply by ten!
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| Nero ate all the pizza-Wrong move... |
No.4
Agent 47
Agent 47 introduced in the Hitman series! He is not quite the talking type, but we don’t like him for his social skills, more like his stealth, deadly skills!
Trained from the beginning of his life to assassinate, he is one of the most vicious killers in the videogame history. He can be disguised in bodyguard’s outfit, doctor’s outfit and anything you can imagine…Even a chicken in Hitman: Blood Money!
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| No,that's not the chicken suit from Hitman:Blood Money |
He can kill you and you wouldn’t even know you’re dead! I bet Sam Fisher and Solid Snake are jealous of him and his stealth killing techniques! He deserves No.4!
No.3
Max Payne
Max Payne is a bit of a depressed character, but he is number three on my list and they are plenty reasons!
He is a detective.
He has manly voice.
He wears a leather jacket.
He can hold two pistols at the same time.
He can slowdown the time and shoot his enemies.
He can reload really fast and cool while his is in slow motion.
He can jump and shoot at the same time, while he is in slow motion!
What else do you want?
Max have been through some terrifying events from the time we have played Max Payne 2.
We have the proof!
Look at him now:
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| Something has gone wrong... |
HE IS BALD AND OLD!!!
No.2
Kratos
Back to another Bald character…the well know Ghost Of Sparta!
The popularity of this angry Spartan has gone up the roof since 2004.
What makes Kratos such a badass is that he is Spartan, Spartans are well known for their bravery and courage. What this bastard is known for is for killing his family(even by mistake),killing gods and killing everything in general!
Also having sex with random sex slaves through the game!
Kratos is so kick-ass that he have kicked the asses of:
• Zeus (father) †
• Callisto (mother) †
• Deimos (brother)
• Calliope (daughter) †
• Lysandra (wife) †
• Gaia (great grandmother) †
• Cronos (grandfather) †
• Hades (uncle) †
• Poseidon (uncle) †
• Theseus (cousin) †
• Ares (half-brother) †
• Hera (step-mother) †
• Athena (half-sister) †
• Hermes (half-brother) †
• Persephone (half-sister) †
• Perseus (half-brother) †
• Hercules (half-brother) †
• Minos (half-brother) †
• Aphrodite (sister-in-law)
• Hephaestus (half-brother) †
Do you see the cross next to the names? That means that they are sleeping with the fish(not all of them, I used this as a metaphor…it might be valid for Poseidon though).
Guess who have killed them all…
No.1
Duke Nukem
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| Hail to the King,baby! |
I hope this didn’t came as a surprise for anyone, Duke Nukem has been the ultimate alien ass-kicker since the first Duke Nukem ever!
He got’s it all! The hair, the muscles, the women, the shinny boots, even the sunglasses! He also likes big guns and he can not lie! What’s the most kick-ass thing about him though, it’s his quotes! He have actually said to an alien that his going to cut his throat and shit down his neck! That’s a pretty sick thing to tell to a more advanced living form!
He is the king and it’s the truth!
HAIL TO THE KING BABY!!!
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